I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t going to be there for the birth of my nephew. 

I had thought ahead to this day many times and had felt completely comfortable with the fact that I would meet him one month after his arrival. Yet as it was actually happening, I was devastated not to be part of the excitement. I wanted to be there to be anxiously awaiting my nephew’s debut with the rest of my family, to see him on his first day of life, and to see my sister in her first moments of motherhood. Instead, I was over a friend’s house when I got the call around 8PM that my sister was 10cm and pushing, and it just so happened that this house had horrible cell phone reception. UGH! I kept losing calls with my Mother and when I would call her back from my friend’s landline, she wouldn’t answer because she didn’t recognize the number. I mean, HELLO! Of course it’s me. After 10 minutes of back and forth with my Mom, she got it together and I was on standby for the remainder of the evening.

Finally, at 10PM, I got word that my first nephew, Tucker, had been born at 9:45PM, weighing in at 8lbs 3oz.  Funnily enough, the doctor had told my sister that he was positive the baby would be 7lbs or less….aaaand SURPRISE! Shortly after his birth, I received a cell phone picture of Tucker, and I was instantly mesmerized. I studied every detail of his face: the little dimple in his chin, the shape of his eyes and his nose, the milky color of his skin, and the adorable rolls of chunk on his arms.

I was officially an Aunt, and it was suddenly more than a title. It was a feeling.

I could not take my eyes off him. I was so eager to get home to normal cell phone reception and call my sister, which I did the second I walked in the door. She answered and without even a “hello,” the first thing she said was, “I’m not gonna lie. It hurt so bad that I wanted to throw myself out the window.”

I made a mental note to pass along that bad news to my best friend, who also has not yet had children.

After that, my sister proceeded to tell me the many little details of her labor, promising more gory goodness when she felt better, and then she described Tucker.  He sounded perfect. The next morning, we Skyped – her from her hospital bed in Florida and me from my couch in New York. It was my official first meeting with my little nephew, and it was completely surreal. He did nothing but lay there with his eyes closed and yet wow, was he fascinating! Seeing my sister cradle him so instinctively boggled my mind. Was this the same girl who, when we were young, would rather climb trees and hit softballs than play with dolls and get dressed up? She seemed like such a natural at this mom thing! I was impressed. As I surveyed the room and saw many of my family members, I was thankful for technology because I couldn’t imagine waiting another month to see everyone after this miraculous event.

As always in life, time passed, and eventually it was time to make my way to Florida to meet Tucker in person!  I had been getting photo updates often over the past weeks, but it would be nothing like holding my nephew in my arms. The second I arrived in Florida and walked into my sister’s house, I knew that I was in baby land. The TV volume was turned down, the lights were dim, and there were freshly washed bottles near the kitchen sink. And then I saw him.

Thank goodness for my sister’s awesome husband….he immediately handed Tucker over to me and everything in me just turned to mush. In a roundabout way, Tucker was kind of a little tiny piece of me, too, and I immediately felt protective of him. I also immediately knew that my bank account would suffer on his behalf for at least the next 15 years.

But oh, I loved Tucker’s baby smell, and the way his tiny fingers gripped my index finger. I formally introduced myself and in his little baby way, I think he knew who I was. I loved his little baby body and the way he curled up in my arms, and I loved the noises he made when he was happy.

He smiled at me. I melted.

He peed all over me. I not so much melted but it was still sort of cute, even though it was in my hair.

Tucker could do no wrong, even at 4:30 in the morning when he woke me up.

Every morning.

I marveled at my sister and her husband, getting up and taking care of him together, viewing it as a privilege rather than a nuisance. I also marveled at my fiancé and how he slept through every early morning crying fit. I’ve gotta say, it’s not looking good for my future. But I digress.

The time I spent hanging out with Tucker was so much fun. I made an effort to get up with Tucker on a couple of mornings so that I could watch and feed him while my sister napped and showered. I was amused by her dogs’ reaction to the baby – one was extremely protective and the other was extremely jealous. I fell in love with Tucker’s nursery. In fact, I excitedly pranced around in it the first time I saw it and exclaimed, “I want a nursery, too!” My sister did such a great job putting it all together…and here I always thought that I was the decorator in the family!

It was great to hang out with my sister, too. I actually convinced her to leave Tucker with grandma for the first time, and we went to see How To Train Your Dragon at the movie theater. You know, cause we’re rebels like that. She had a tough time saying goodbye to him at grandma’s house, but the movie was a worthy distraction and she kept her cool for the rest of the night. I was proud of her!

After five days, it was time to get back to my own reality, and saying goodbye to Tucker was the pits. He had been sleeping and I wasn’t able to hold him at all on that last day. I was sad. I felt an obligation that I hadn’t ever before in my life, and I suddenly understood why people like my best friend, who has become an Aunt five times now, get homesick. I kissed him on each little cheek and held myself back from picking him up and ruining his nap (and therefore, my sister’s entire night).

I gave goodbye hugs to my sister, her husband, my parents, and the rest of my family that was around, and then that was it! I was in the car and headed to the airport.

And then I was crying.

I had never, ever cried before when saying goodbye to my family.

And I am crying now as I sit and type this blog.

I miss my nephew, and I miss my sister, who used to annoy me as younger sisters often do and who I realized had now become one of my best friends.

My sister texted me about three minutes into my drive to tell me that she was crying, also.

Geez, we’re just a bunch of babies, aren’t we?!

As I sat in the car and the tears rolled down my face, I made sure to remember what Tucker felt like and looked like and smelt like (when his diaper wasn’t dirty, that is). I knew I would see him again in a few months, but babies grow so fast, and I wanted to capture my first times with him in my memory. I will probably one day share with him the same details that I have shared with you in this blog, and he will probably roll his eyes and tell me that I am silly.

But that’s okay, because I invented the eye roll.

I am an Aunt, after all.

Related posts:

1. Confessions of a First Time Aunt: Part IV
2. Confessions of a First Time Aunt: Part I
3. Confessions of a First Time Aunt: Part III